Interview with Zack Davis

BDSM is a spectrum. I’m compelled to explore the different facets of it through my characters.
Though everything I write seems to be kissed by BDSM, Lock and Key is my first official BDSM novel. I hope to celebrate the joy that can be found in BSDM.
I’d like to introduce one of my characters from Lock and Key. Please say hi to Zack Davis.
Z.: (smiles brightly) Welcome! I’m so glad you could make it.
Zack: (ducks his head) Hey, Z. Um, hi everyone. (Hissed whisper >>>) Z., I didn’t know there would be so many people here.
Z.: (looks around) Um, Zack it’s only me, and some readers.
Zack: Yeah, a lot of people. (Glances at the door as if he’s counting the footsteps to his escape)
Z.: So Zack, where would you say you fall on the BDSM spectrum?
Zack: (shifts around in his chair) Well, Lock and Key starts when I’m 18, but I’ve known almost my life that I’m a sub.
Z.: How did you know?
Zack: Um… (shrugs & looks down before peeking up at Z.) I guess I was 8 years old. It was late at night, but I was waiting for my older brother to get home. The Secretary was on TV.
Z.: The Secretary? That’s about the woman who discovers BDSM through her boss?
Zack: (chuckling) That would be the one.
Z.: Was this the first time you’d seen BDSM? And what did you think?
Zack: Well, yes and no. I’d always liked the Western’s especially when someone got tied up, but the sound of that spanking in The Secretary… and him micromanaging her… his control… I don’t know it did something to me. Everything seemed to make sense.
Z.: What happened?
Zack: (shakes his head) Nothing. I was 8… well, except I kept looking everywhere for more hints of anything that gave me a delicious nervous excited feeling.
Z.: How old are you when Lock and Key starts?
Zack: At the beginning of the book I’m 18 and I just started my first job as a roadie for my brother’s band. I put almost all the money I earned away to afford the crazy membership fees at Entwined.
Z.: Entwined?
Z.: (smiles encouragingly at Zack)
Zack: (bites his lower lip before answering) A club where BDSM dreams become a reality.
Z.: And did your dreams come to fruition?
Zack: (sighing he looked away and muttered) Z. to quote you my journey to subspace isn’t a direct one…
Z.: Any love interests?
Zack: (looking up at Z.) Plenty of playmates, but only one true love.
Z.: At such a young age…
Zack: I know it’s rare for someone to find the person they want to spend the rest of their life with at 18, but I did. (Hell, you married someone who you started dating at 18… and you knew right away too.)
Z.: (glaring) Insta-love happens… (Z. quiets a character from another book stating the physical impossibility of insta-love and quieting his detailed explanation as to why it’s actually insta-lust… Z. focuses on Zack) Tell us what it was like to start practicing BDSM.
Zack: Amazing (smiles dreamily) In chapter 2 I was sitting in a very basic BDSM class and I swear I thought I was going to come just by squirming in my seat.
Z.: (laughing) I know. To actually be in a place that your deepest fantasies are accepted by everyone and maybe even shared is… overwhelming. You no longer feel like you need to hide the part of yourself that most of society has labeled a sexual freak…. But Lock and Key is also about love, so let’s get back to that.
Zack: (sighing) Yes, it is. There is only one person I want to serve. My love for him made me desperate.
Z.: You’re young—
Zack: Not that young!
Z.: (back pedaling) So you were desperate…?
Zack: Hell, my thinking around him shrunk down to my needs and wants. I couldn’t think past my outright need for him. Even my breathing was about him and—
Z.: (leans forward) What happened?
Zack: He rejected me….
Z.: (looks away from the pain written all over Zack) It encouraged you to go in places you wouldn’t have went otherwise.
Zack: (shakes his head and shrugs) Yeah well… I have to, um go…
Z.: (nods) Well, Zack thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us.

Rejected. Heartbroken. Devastated.
Zack Davis wanted to serve only one man, Andrew Nikeman. He was denied because Andrew thought he was too young and because their brothers were together. So Zack crushed his submissive tendencies and focused on being the perfect Dom, giving every sub he played with something he couldn’t have.
After years of denying his submissive side, Entwined’s charity auction “Are you Dom Enough to be a sub?” gives Zack an excuse to get a little of what he’s always craved.
Andrew doesn’t know when his infatuation turned into more, but it kills him to see Zack with a constant parade of submissives. He’d refused to jeopardize his brother’s relationship or become Zack’s regret; however, Zack isn’t a kid anymore, and his brother’s relationship is unbreakable. Now Zack’s popularity and success as a Dom might ruin Andrew’s dreams of collaring him, but he can’t wait any longer to confess his feelings or he risks losing the man he loves forever.
Buy Link

Hugs, Z. 

Perspective & Happiness: My Gift to You

 Most reports say 2016 SUCKED! It was a tough year. (I discovered if you cry nonstop you can actually burn tear tracks in your cheeks). Sooooo I'm desperately grabbing perspective and happiness with two hands as often as I can.

We will all exit this plane of existence at some point in time. The reality of that SUCKS but it also allows us perspective (if we let it). When problems of daily life get us down (if you're able) look beyond it does it matter.

Sometimes yes: if so what steps do you need to take to fix it? (identify the problem, what's the solution, identify steps to get to the fix).

Sometimes no: what can you do to let the irritation/upset go? (identify the entire upset, use letting go techniques >>> my preferred is reaching for the happy)

There are few things that are worth being truly upset about... choose what to lose it on.

Happiness:
Buddhists strive to accept suffering is a part of life.

I'm going to encourage you to choose happiness as often as you can. It's not always an easy task (especially if you've lost your perspective). Sometimes our reality is so shitty we can't see how happiness can ever be part of our world again.

Start small. Find happy in a beautiful color, in funny memes on Facebook, in the joy of helping someone else.

Allow yourself the gift of happiness as often as you can. Seek it out.

What's the alternative?

I wish you love, happiness and romance always.

Happy Holidays and have a great start to 2017!!!

Happy Holidays Isn't a Battle Cry

I know some people view Happy Holidays as if it's a battle cry determined to undermine Christian values. It's not it's simply my way of being inclusive. I grew up Catholic and I converted to reform Judaism... so I get the warm happiness one gets from sitting by the decorated tree with Christmas carols in the background sipping hot chocolate.

But I always used Happy Holidays because
1) Not everyone celebrated Christmas
2) I believe the more inclusiveness with inject into our speech our actions will follow (that whole cognitive dissonance thing is real).
3) There are a lot of holidays during December.

December, 2016 Daily Holidays, Special and Wacky Days:
1 Eat a Red Apple Day
1 World Aids Awareness Day
2 National Fritters Day
3 National Roof over Your Head Day
4 Santas' List Day - we hope you are on the "Nice" list
4 Wear Brown Shoes Day
5 Bathtub Party Day
5 Repeal Day - The 21st Amendment ends Prohibition. I'll drink to that!
6 St. Nicholas Day
6 Mitten Tree Day
6 Put on your own Shoes Day
7 International Civil Aviation Day
7 Letter Writing Day
7 National Cotton Candy Day - would you like some fairy floss?
7 Pearl Harbor Day
8 National Brownie Day
8 Take it in the Ear Day
9 Christmas Card Day
9 National Pastry Day
10 Human Rights Day
11 International Children's Day - Second Sunday in December
11 National Noodle Ring Day
12 National Ding-a-Ling Day
12 Poinsettia Day     
13 Ice Cream Day
13 Violin Day
14 International Monkey Day
14 National Bouillabaisse Day
14 Roast Chestnuts Day
15 Bill of Rights Day
15 National Lemon Cupcake Day
16 National Chocolate Covered Anything Day
17 National Maple Syrup Day
18 Bake Cookies Day
18 National Roast Suckling Pig Day
19 Look for an Evergreen Day
19 Oatmeal Muffin Day
20 Go Caroling Day
21 Crossword Puzzle Day
21 Forefather's Day
21 Humbug Day
21 Look on the Bright Side Day
21 National Flashlight Day
21 Winter Solstice - the shortest day of the year.
22 National Date Nut Bread Day - or September 8!?
23 Festivus - for the rest of us
23 Roots Day
24 Channukah - date varies
24 National Chocolate Day
24 National Egg Nog Day
25 Christmas Day
25 National Pumpkin Pie Day for recipes see Pumpkin Nook 's Cookbook
26 Boxing Day
27 Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day
27 National Fruitcake Day
28 Card Playing Day
29 Pepper Pot Day
30 Bacon Day
30  National Bicarbonate of Soda Day
31 Make Up Your Mind Day
31 New Year's Eve
31 Unlucky Day
((This was found at: http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/december.htm))

Happy Holidays to you!

BTW I wrote Happy Holidays to show the importance of sex scenes. I changed the title to Happy Holidays to make it more inclusive.

Buy Link

 

Happy Holidays Blurb:
What do erotic sex toys and Hanukkah have to do with each other?
Absolutely nothing unless you’re a member of the famous rock band The Dark Angels and the shy but kinky Robin gives gifts that guarantee to spice up the holidays!
Each couple makes the most of these unique gifts, blending love and orgasmic fun to REALLY celebrate the holidays.


Happy Holidays Excerpt: (The band is meeting via Skype to open Hanukkah presents… each present reveals a little more about the couple and their relationship. This is a snippet from Chapter 3, and it is NOT work safe.)
 
“Where’s Ang?” Dusty asked as he searched Dare’s section of the computer screen. Why the hell was Dare scrunched down in the desk chair at such a strange angle? Skype was working fine, because Josh and Robin part of the screen wasn’t askew.

Dare slapped the desk and opened his eyes. He slid his fingers across the table to grip the edge of the desk. “He’s here. Um, oh God he’s here.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Dusty couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Dare slammed closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. “Mphf! He’s here.” Darius’s voice stopped on a broken moan.
On the computer screen, Dusty observed Josh leaning in close. Did he think it would help him determine what was going on?

Robin pulled Josh away from the screen, pressed his lips together, and giggled.

What the hell? Oh for fuck’s sake! Dusty wiped a hand over his face, slumped back in his chair, and folded his arms over his chest. Angel had no decorum whatsoever. “Jesus. Really?”

Groaning, Darius pursed his lips as if he could stop the grunts from escaping. Was his seat on fire?

Smirking, Josh asked, “So, is he coming soon?” He rolled the word coming out of his mouth.

Darius blinked hard, as if he were trying to focus on the question. He huffed a breath in and out of his mouth to capture some air, which appeared to be a nearly impossible task for the blond. “Yeah, soon. Coming soon.”

Dusty was positive Dare wasn’t aware or even cared about how he sounded. His chin fell onto his chest as he whispered something that his computer mic didn’t pick up. Dare let his head fall back. His hand went under the desk, but the way his arm was rising and falling made it clear to Dusty what was happening.

“So, how soon. Dare?” Justin asked as if he were innocent. When Dusty shot him a warning look, his lover shrugged.

“What? I’m just asking when he’ll be coming.”

Damn, The Dark Angels had corrupted his lover. Justin traced his fingers up and down Dusty’s thigh, reminding him of all the pleasure those fingers were capable of providing. Mmmm, he wasn’t stupid enough to complain about Justin’s depravity, of which Dusty was the sole focus.

Robin’s musical laugh joined Justin’s mischievous one.

A loud moan interrupted Dare’s sharp inhale. His knuckles were white as he death gripped the desk. “Soon. Soon. Oh, God. Now!”

“Come on. Damn it, Angel!” Hurry up so we can open the presents and use them. Last night’s chocolate sauce was a success. He and Justin had polished off the jar. He was a bit nauseous, but Justin’s satisfaction was worth the discomfort.

Darius collapsed back in the chair, roaring Angel’s name. His forearm muscles tightened, hinting that he held his lover’s mouth against him as he squirmed. He exhaled a strangled, “Ahhhh”!

“Finally! Now can we do the presents?” Dusty barked out to keep a straight face.

Darius turned bright red as the desk chair he was on was rolled back. Angel emerged from the bottom of the screen, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. He turned to the screen with an arched eyebrow, as if the bastard dared Dusty to say something smart assed to him.

“Come here, baby.” Angel lifted an apparently boneless Darius into his arms and turned to sit in the chair. Everyone stared with open mouths as if they didn’t know Dusty’s best friend was a pervert.

“What?” Angel finally asked.

Dusty covered his face. He sighed. “Nothing, Ang.”

Josh wasn’t so tolerant. “You couldn’t wait?”

Smirking, Ang shook his head. “We had a bet.”

“Which was?” No doubt Dusty would regret his inquisitiveness.

Angel kissed Darius’s face. “That I could make my baby orgasm while he was on Skype with you jackasses.”

Darius sheepishly grinned at the computer camera. For God’s sake, he appeared too satisfied to feel any shame,and he didn’t have on any pants. Angel has corruptedDare. “I lost.”

Dusty rolled his eyes. Lost? “It seems to be a win-win bet for both of you.”

Snorting, the guitar player shrugged. “Yeah, it was a bet that losing didn’t entail any negative consequences.”

“So, what’s your forfeit?” Justin asked.

“I get to use whatever the present is on Angel.” Darius’ face held a dreamy relaxed quality as he stared up at the asshole.

Josh clapped his hands together and rubbed them. “Oh, really? Well, okay then!”

“What?” Angel sat up and glanced over at the present bag at the corner of their section of screen. Ah, finally. Good to see Angel a tad worried.

Dusty watched Josh, waiting for the entertainment to unfold.

Turning to Robin, Josh must have gotten the go ahead, because he told them what present was next. “Well, I think it’s time to open the long, thin, white package, my friends.”

Yes! Dusty reached in the bag immediately and spoke over Josh’s impression of a cackling loon. “Ang, you’re in trouble this time.”

Still sitting in Angel’s lap, Darius unwrapped, and then snapped the riding chop against the desk.

“Ang, you feeling okay? You appear a bit pale.” Dusty chortled.

Darius jumped up to pull on his shorts. Damn, that was a view Dusty could’ve done without. The next thing the guy did was priceless. He slapped the side of Angel’s ass with the riding crop.

“Up. I lost the bet.” Dare’s eyes sparkled as he winked at the screen.

Heehee! Go Dare!

“No. Ow! Fuck, Dare!” Angel whined as Darius slapped his thigh with the crop. “This doesn’t seem fair, if I won the bet.”

Dusty whooped out loud. Darius’s grin screamed that Angel was in a bind.

“Dusty, help me!” Ang stared at the screen.

Laughing harder, Dusty ponied up a suggestion. “Buck up and enjoy your winnings, Ang.”

How to F*ck a Transgender Person

Okay... everyone deals with sex differently.

Keep in mind it's only YOUR business if you are planning to go down that road with the person. Asking a stranger what's in their pants or how they have sex isn't something that's done. However, when you're going to have sex with a person this is when the questions become important. For some people whether they are cisgender (their assigned sex at birth matches their gender identity) or transgender (their assigned sex at birth doesn't match their gender identity) questions about sex can be uncomfortable, so always proceed with care >>> which includes how you ask the questions.

Here's a video by Davy Wavy

It's important to remember that different things feel good to different people. So your ex may have LOVED when you did that kinky little thing with your big toe >>> your current love may not find it amusing at all!

Mr. Google is a great place to find basic information to help you form your questions. I wrote a blog post about the hot button topic of surgeries someone who is transgender may or may not have/want. Again, information is key. It was my hope to assist you in building a foundation to put the knowledge you learn from various sources into a framework.

I think sex is a subject people should be more comfortable with in the abstract then maybe when it comes down to specifics about the activity itself with the partner(s) of your choice it might be easier.

Illusions & Dreams is about two sets of best friends who are very different. Two of the characters  are transgender and are on opposite ends of the spectrum on almost everything.  They desire extremely different things in terms of what they were looking for in a partner, how they expressed themselves, what they wanted sexually and what they thought of affirmation surgery. 

If you know me you know I don't shy away from sex and think fade to black is cheating. So there are several scenes depicting a variety of sexual activities: masturbation to sweet sex to kinky sex... because everyone is individual.

I hope the biggest take away from this post is: Everyone has different needs and desires and use care finding out how to best satisfy your partner.

Major Hugs, Z.

Gender queer

Here's a basic gender queer video: 

This next section was ripped from Psychology Today: The Price of Conforming to Gender Norms.

"The man appears to be neither masculine nor feminine-–he is both. This may be disturbing to some, liberating to others. It is useful for us to reflect on our own perceptions and values with respect to what society considers appropriate as “male” and “female.”

People who don't fit into either masculine or feminine gender roles often call themselves "gender queer." The gender queer believe being masculine or feminine is something we learn living in our particular society-–masculinity and femininity are not determined by our biological sex. Being a male doesn’t make us masculine; being a female doesn’t make us feminine.

We learn how to behave in a masculine or feminine manner through socialization.

Males and females from different societies are the same biologically. But different societies have different ideas about how men and women should behave. For example: in some Middle-Eastern societies, it is normal for straight men to walk about town holding hands-–it means they are friends. In Western societies, the same behavior means something quite different.

How is Gender Engendered?
These days there is a wide range of what is considered appropriate behavior for males and females. With the advent of the metrosexual and the man-bun, norms have certainly changed over time.
But some time-honored examples will make my point. As males, we may be taught at an early age to disown our nurturing side-–boys aren't supposed to play with dolls. As females, we may be taught to disavow constructive aggression-–girls aren’t encouraged to engage in rough and tumble play.

As we become socialized, peers continue the process our families started. Young children learn to put pressure on each other to conform to gender specific traits-–“You throw like a girl.”

By the time we are adults, we may not even be aware of how society has shaped our gender-conforming behavior. But we are all affected. We often police our own behavior. A woman may ask herself, “Am I being too manly by being a competitive and aggressive presidential candidate?” A man may worry, “Am I acting like a woman when I become emotional?”

Most of us are reasonably comfortable adhering to the gender norms of our society. But if we are not aware of the ways in which we are complying with expectation, we may reject an essential part of our self.

We should ask ourselves, have I disowned some essential part of myself in order to conform to a gender role?

Sometimes we are overly identified with gender-conforming behavior . . .
Kay is comfortable with her femininity but feels immobilized by her fear of appearing too ambitious. She hears her mother saying, "No one likes an ambitious woman."  She feels uncomfortable showing people her ambition-–the part of herself that identifies with her successful father. So, she hides her desire to succeed and suffers the loss of the crucial support and encouragement she would get from her friends, if she would only let them know.

Or we can overly resist gender-conforming behavior  . . .
Laura fears becoming like her mother. As a typical housewife of her time, Laura’s mother was financially dependent on her husband. She took responsibility for raising the children. She suffered quietly as her husband engaged in a series of affairs.
Laura modeled herself on her father. She is an independent woman who would not rely on any man. She has disowned her femininity. Although she married, she keeps her husband at an emotional distance. Now she finds herself desiring an affair with a man she fantasizes will take care of her. This affair would allow her to realize her feminine side, while avoiding feeling too emotionally vulnerable with her husband.

Awareness is Key
Whether we conform to, or resist, gender norms, they play a role in how we see and judge ourselves. They also influence how we perceive others. They impact our behavior whether we are aware of them or not. If we are going to be subjected to such powerful influences, we need to reflect on the ways in which they impact us. Without doing so, we may be prevented from realizing our true potential.
By David Braucher, L.C.S.W., Ph.D.
((https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201610/the-price-conforming-gender-norms))

Virgin Sex Doesn't Have To Hurt...

Did you know getting your cherry popped shouldn't hurt?

True story: A hymen isn't broken or popped at all...

The more you know...

I've always had a fascination with virgin sex... maybe trying to recapture my own? Who knows let's not analyze why but simply enjoy the fact some of my characters come to me as virgins... but don't stay that way for long.

Two of my favorite virgin no more scenes... 

Tied Together Buy Link    

Robin and Josh decide to "give themselves" to each other (Robin's a romance reader so he's glorified the experience in his head). Let's just say they figure out why most hotels have hand lotion in the bathroom.

Hugs, Z.

Illusions & Dreams Buy Link

Boon-nam is a virgin and kinky but needed to wait until she had affirmation surgery to be comfortable enough to be with someone... She has a couple interesting experiences before she has intercourse and luckily for all of us it's everything she imagined it would be.
















Hugs,
Z. Allora

The T Word

This week is Transgender Awareness Week.

I'm going to share with you a very good video  done by Lavern Cox & MTV.

Nov 20 People We Honor

Buy Link

Blurb for Illusions & Dreams:
Randy Camster failed at being married. His life now centers around work, TV sports, and listening to his friend Jake complain about how Randy’s lack of a sex life will be the downfall of mankind. Not true! Well, not totally. He’s just never understood the fascination with sex until… ladyboy performer Lalana Dulyarat shimmies into his world via an Internet ad for Thailand tourism. 



Jake O’Neil’s open pansexuality yields him interesting bedmates, but he’s never chased after the mythical illusion of love. He focuses on others, like his best friend Randy, who needs a Bang-Cock vacation. Finding an adorable little imp named Boon-nam wasn’t on the itinerary. Gay, straight, and undecided, Jake has had ‘em all, but never a virgin aching to take a walk on the kinky side after having her affirmation surgery. Talk about pressure. And what’s with everyone warning him not to break her heart? His is the one in danger.

Sexism Internalized... and you.

What is sexism? 

sex·ism

"1. prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex." (Oxford Dictionaries) 

What is Internalized Sexism?

The involuntary beliefs that people assigned female at birth carry, speak and act on as if the lies, stereotypes and myths about people assigned female at birth are true and should be assigned to all women.  

 

Here are some types:

Slut Shaming
He's a ladies man, but she's a slut. 
"The shaming and attacking women for having sexual partners, perceived or otherwise, as well as having sexual feelings. Slut shaming occurs when someone “publicly or privately [insults] a woman because she expressed her sexuality in a way that does not conform with patriarchal expectations for women” (http://www.dearvagina.com/five-examples-of-internalized-sexism-in-our-daily-life/feminism)

Victim Blaming
"When we blame the victim, society allows the abuser to perpetrate relationship abuse or sexual assault while avoiding accountability for the perpetrator’s actions. When another woman we know is sexually assaulted, it’s really important to turn off that little voice inside our heads that call her a slut, asking her why she didn’t know any better or saying that we would never let ourselves get into a situation like that. That little voice is the toxic misogyny that we’re taught from day one and have internalized."   (http://www.dearvagina.com/five-examples-of-internalized-sexism-in-our-daily-life/feminism)

In order to "stay safe" much focused energy goes into where we park, where we go, what we where... It's our responsibility because we are living in a society that teaches women must do x,y and z instead of teaching people not to rape/assault/harass.


Not wanting to be friends with other women
(Self-explanatory)


Not like other women
"A “Special Snowflake” is a term used to describe other women who differentiate themselves from other women by essentially buying into sexist stereotypes. Oftentimes these statements are used to insult other women at the expense of being attractive to men." (http://www.dearvagina.com/five-examples-of-internalized-sexism-in-our-daily-life/feminism)

Women still make less than men
How and why is this still a thing. One guess is internalized sexism makes sure it never becomes a priority so it never gets addressed.


Society feeds us sexist ideas from birth so it's no wonder they are absorbed, ingested and put back out in society.

What can we do? 

1) CONFRONT IT IN YOURSELVES

Don't deny it's existence in yourself outright. 

When a friend nudge me gently and called me on it I was like "No way. Card carrying member of NOW I can't be..." I was and I am working super hard not to be...

So before you deny it look. You'd have to have lived in isolation not to absorbed some of this bullshit.

2)'CONFRONT IT IN OTHERS

Usually our habit is ignore, or avoid... well, that doesn't stop it. Yes it's uncomfortable but it needs to be done (I'm afraid consistently) and I won't lie there will be censure... you might be seen as rude, but at the end of the day it's important. DO IT.

3) FEMINISM ISN'T A BAD WORD

Recently this word has been twisted so it's become something it's not. Let's learn the definition so we can spread the word. 

fem·i·nism:

"1. the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men." (Oxford Dictionaries)

Just work on doing those three things and you'll be surprised at the changes.

(& yes the whole vague not feeling comfortable/liking Hillary Clinton>>> can we guess what some of that might have been? Not that there wasn't other reasons people assigned female at birth didn't vote for her, but internalized sexism & societal sexism played a part in the decision.) 

I'm aware this is a topic that is HUGE I've only done a tiny overview because I've been obsessing about this and it's impact on the world. I'm working to address mine and I hope you'll look at doing the same. 

Big Hugs, 

Z. Allora

Gay For You (GFY) Romance Trope

This trope has been under fire since before I've discovered rainbow romance.

The issues people have identified range from:  GFY stories don't exist in reality to Bierasure to Objectifying Men to it's really Out For You romance to it denies/minimizes the coming out experience to many other reasons why GFY upsets some people.

Taking a step back:

Sexuality is complex. We are expanding our understanding of it on a daily basis. You have the Kinsey scale then the Kline model... lots of different ways to quantify something so personal and subjective. Is it any wonder people struggle? I wish there were more information to help us understand of ourselves and the people around us.

Even under fire GFY is wildly popular.

Why?

Usual reasons sited:
*It's hot.
*Creates instant deep tension.
*It SELLS.

Less discussed reasons:
*It's a vehicle a number of people (I know personally) credit for allowing them to question their sexual orientation or gender identity. Watching the characters boldly go where we ourselves have struggled to go is beneficial and I'd even say in some cases therapeutic.
*One of the takeaways from GFY is usually your feelings may be scary/different/not who we thought we were but in the end it's okay to follow your heart and BE YOURSELF.
*The message I usually hear echoing through almost every story is love is stronger then societal defined gender lines (which as someone who falls on the nonbinary side of things is incredibly validating).

Sooooo it's more than just hot.  

However, lumping everything under one trope can hurt people we don't want to do that. Though not everyone who falls in love with someone of the same sex is gay or even bi.

Put down your pitch forks! There's a lot of variation within m/m romance perhaps the spectrum needs to be better sussed out? The nonbinary bunny will point out that there's also : demisexual (needing a strong emotional connection to feel attraction), biromantic, transoriented, queer, pansexual, androgynosexual, questioning, heteroflexible, BDSM (In Iceland BDSM is considered an orientation that trumps gender therefore someone who could make them submit or dominate is where the attraction resides not the gender), skoliosexual, and there other sexual identities/orientations and within each of these there are variations ((some of the orientations were plucked from this list: http://poshhelpers.tumblr.com/post/41062616375/sexual-orientations-masterlist))

Here's a list given by 2 guys clowning around... (I wish it was more serious but they are trying but I thought their take on labels interesting... and please know asexual doesn't mean sad or being alone.)

Here's a video that explains biromantic...(the above video didn't cover)

Some Things Creating The Hurt (possibly):

Personal bias: While for some of us sexual orientation is straightforward... for others sexuality is more nuanced and dare I say more fluid.

Skill/Knowledge of the writer: I'll be the first one to raise my hand and say I wish I had more skill to present the complex fabulous characters that live in my head. Also my knowledge and understanding of sexuality is still growing daily and my understanding is changing based on new studies, discussions, books, people I meet...

Semantics:
Sexual identity: person's view of themselves.
Sexual behavior: actions participate in  
Sexual Orientation: who person is attracted toward.
Take the word: Attraction...  How much "attraction to people of the same sex" makes you gay? How much sexual behavior determines if you are gay, straight. bi, demi, etc (FYI: NOTHING MAKES YOU GAY) What if this person only wants this one other person of the same sex... does that make him/her bi or demisexual or sexually fluid or ... ? 

Labeling: Right or wrong it is the individual that determines when the label is appropriate and if he/she/them identifies with it. (And as much as you think you know better based on the person's actions or words you SHOULD NOT slap labels on people... even if they seem accurate to you.)

Here's a video on lesbian, bisexuality and demisexuality. (I love when she says: "I'm kind of a mix of the two." cause that's the nuance we need to tease out.)

But GFY can cause hurt and I don't want anyone to be hurt. (And I know my Tribe doesn't want to hurt each other).

So what can we do?
I'm looking at my Pretties and truly asking for more suggestions so we can help end the hurt. If you've spoken out about this, or have been hurt I'd love to some concrete suggestions to move us away from hurting each other and into helping us understand. (If you're able to do so). 

Here are some of my suggestions:

LEARN: 
The more we learn about different types of sexual orientations the better our understanding is about everyone around us & ourselves (As a writer this translates into more diverse and complex characters).

CLARIFY. Is the character: bisexual, demisexual, questioning, gay, or one of the sexualities and then make sure the reader understands where the character is coming from... I believe the writer needs to shoulder some of the responsibility to address the some of the negative/potential issues & the hurt some people might feel.

RESPONSIBILITY:  Those of us who are able should take the time to increase the understanding of others because we all want to make the world a better place. If not us who? (I'm not the best person to talk about asexuality/name an orientation but fuck the conversation needs a place to start. Usually I'll find a YouTube video and go from there... but I'm thrilled when someone with a certain experience/orientation/viewpoints shares their first hand knowledge.)

REACH OUT:  If a writer is hurting you by their stories reach out and help them understand... (Chances are they aren't doing it on purpose) Vague statements/posts only confuse people. If we want to actually effect change we need to reach out (if we're able).
Here's a script: "Z. you really hurt/offended me when you wrote X." 
It allows me the opportunity to apologize for hurting you cause it is never my intention & allows me to understand what I did and how I can adjust in the future. And maybe I can reach out to you for assistance as a resource so I don't make the same mistakes again. 

Be the change you want to see in the world...  

Many hugs and much love,
Z. Allora  

You might check out this orientation list.

(BTW at YaoiCon 2016 so many attendees told me how Yaoi allowed them to come to terms with who they were. Their sexuality ranged from asexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, pansexual and questioning. For them Yaoi was a safe place to figure out who they were and explore what they liked. I think I'll do a future post and discuss Yaoi specifically because there are cultural implications since this type of manga was born in Japan. Having lived in Asia and traveling to many of the countries including Japan there is a different relationship people have with sex, intimacy and each other. The LGBTQIA movement is moving at a different rate... anyway future post.)  

Permission to Orgasm

Now you can take that literally or figuratively or both... as you know I'd applaud whatever your decision but on the day before my birthday I wanted to give you (my Pretty ones or a stranger who has no idea who the fuck I am) permission to be happy.

You are responsible for your own HAPPINESS.  Take this seriously no one else can do this for you... we can present opportunities for you to reach out and get to the happy but you've got to do the reaching.

Don't put off pleasure. (Of course I'm not suggesting you do nothing but live a hedonistic life style because there are always consequences....)  I'm merely suggesting you do things and make decisions that bring you both long and short term happiness.  Too many times in life we wait, hesitation and let the world get in the way of doing even the simplest things that can bring joy.

Make a list of things (free) that make you happy. Here's some of mine:
1) Appreciating vivid colors not just in art work but in everything.
2) Making someone smile.
3) Reaching out and letting someone know you care.
4) Writing
5) Eating with chopsticks.
6) Organizing things
7) Getting together with a friend (even if only for a quick Facebook chat)
8) Planning a trip (I may never take >>> learning about the culture, food, people)
9) Researching a topic I don't know about.
10) ORGASM

When we are happy we spread the feeling to others there by making the world a better place.

Sooooo for my birthday I'm going to be asking everyone I know for 1 gift:

Do something that makes you happy.

Many hugs,
Z. Allora

My Happily Ever After

My happily ever after started Oct 20, 1987 at 5:08pm at Rennselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy New York. I took out a personal ad in the RPI newspaper (It was the stone agent: pre-Internet)

Yes my initial of choice back then was L not Z.

22 men responded to my plea... I met 4 of them. My love being the 4th. He said "I took the liberty of making reservations at Casey's East (cute restaurant about a mile from campus) and arranged transportation (his apartment mate dressed up in a tuxedo with his Honda). I refused to get into a car with two guys I didn't know so we walked in the rain sharing an umbrella to the restaurant. Within 25 minutes of meeting I knew he was THE ONE. (Of course I ran away for the next 6 months but...)

It's not always been a happiness and romance (family issues, long distance, deaths, illness, anxiety)  but we're on the same team and we are focused on making the other person happy. We try to make the best of what ever life gives us. He's my best friend and the best person I know. As co-dependent as it sounds: He's my everything.

Our 1st formal Alpha Phi Omega (service fraternity)

From the morning we got "officially" engaged

 

 

Our wedding

So the reason why I'm able to write happily ever afters is because I'm living my own. Thank you my love for the last 29 year... you are my world.

Hugs, Z.

BDSM Random Thoughts/Facts

My random thoughts first:

BDSM is a spectrum.

There is not one way to subspace. One of the reasons why I wrote Lock and Key is to show different types of BDSM relationships. I wrote a chapter on an intro to BDSM class so people could get the experience of attending one and the basic knowledge that the characters would be utilizing throughout the book.

Relationships vary because each person needs something different and has limits unique to them.

I do still (& always will) take issue with anyone invalidating folks by labeling activities as sugarkink/glitterkink. To do so means you're coming from a place of privilege others might not have and judging them for it. Sooooo don't make me frown at you.

People CAN and DO play both roles. There was a question whether Zack Davis (my main character from Lock and Key) could pull off a Dom role when he was such a submissive. Psst, some paid Doms are submissives which is why they are so incredible at their job because they know what triggers a sub. Also a submissive in the Dom role can find joy bringing someone to subspace (aka Zack) though they may or may not experience topspace.

Finally, I'll point out many Dominants train as a submissive so they can experience what they are trying to help the submissive achieve. People who don't even consider themselves switches are usually (but not always) capable of doing a different role.

Here's a video I thought was cute.
Hugs, Z.

Rejected. Heartbroken. Devastated.

Zack Davis wanted to serve only one man, Andrew Nikeman. He was denied because Andrew thought he was too young and because their brothers were together. So Zack crushed his submissive tendencies and focused on being the perfect Dom, giving every sub he played with something he couldn’t have.

After years of denying his submissive side, Entwined’s charity auction “Are you Dom Enough to be a sub?” gives Zack an excuse to get a little of what he’s always craved.

Andrew doesn’t know when his infatuation turned into more, but it kills him to see Zack with a constant parade of submissives. He’d refused to jeopardize his brother’s relationship or become Zack’s regret; however, Zack isn’t a kid anymore, and his brother’s relationship is unbreakable. Now Zack’s popularity and success as a Dom might ruin Andrew’s dreams of collaring him, but he can’t wait any longer to confess his feelings or he risks losing the man he loves forever.

 

Lock and Key

Listing of LGBTQ Terms & Definitions

((I'm aware this video is not perfect (& has a couple of mistakes) but it's a place to get started... like don't call someone a transgender... they are a person who identifies as transgender))

So I figured some of my Pretties might want notes... soooooo instead of re-inventing the wheel I've snatched these definitions from this reference website: http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2013/01/a-comprehensive-list-of-lgbtq-term-definitions

"Advocate – (noun) (1) a person who actively works to end intolerance, educate others, and support social equity for a marginalized group. (verb) (2) to actively support/plea in favor of a particular cause, the action of working to end intolerance, educate others, etc.
Ally – (noun) a (typically straight- or cis-identified) person who supports, and respects for members of the LGBTQ community.  While the word doesn’t necessitate action, we consider people to be active allies who take action upon this support and respect, this also indicates to others that you are an ally.
Androgyny/ous – (adj; pronounced “an-jrah-jun-ee”) (1) a gender expression that has elements of both masculinity and femininity; (2) occasionally used in place of “intersex” to describe a person with both female and male anatomy
Androsexual/Androphilic – (adj) attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity
Aromantic – (adj) is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in forming romantic relationships.
Asexual – (adj) having a lack of (or low level of) sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest or desire for sex or sexual partners.  Asexuality exists on a spectrum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex to those who experience low levels and only after significant amounts of time, many of these different places on the spectrum have their own identity labels. Another term used within the asexual community is “ace,” meaning someone who is asexual.
Bigender – (adj) a person who fluctuates between traditionally “woman” and “man” gender-based behavior and identities, identifying with both genders (and sometimes a third gender)
Bicurious – (adj) a curiosity about having attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to questioning).
Biological Sex – (noun) a medical term used to refer to the chromosomal, hormonal and anatomical characteristics that are used to classify an individual as female or male or intersex. Often referred to as simply “sex,” “physical sex,” “anatomical sex,” or specifically as “sex assigned [or designated] at birth.”
Biphobia – (noun) a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have/express towards bisexual individuals. Biphobia can come from and be seen within the queer community as well as straight society. Biphobic – (adj) a word used to describe an individual who harbors some elements of this range of negative attitudes towards bisexual people.
Bisexual – (adj) a person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to male/men and females/women.  Other individuals may use this to indicate an attraction to individuals who identify outside of the gender binary as well and may use bisexual as a way to indicate an interest in more than one gender or sex (i.e. men and genderqueer people).   This attraction does not have to be equally split or indicate a level of interest that is the same across the genders or sexes an individual may be attracted to.
Butch – (noun & adj) a person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. ‘Butch’ is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians, but is also be claimed as an affirmative identity label.
Cisgender – (adj; pronounced “siss-jendur”) a person whose gender identity and biological sex assigned at birth align (e.g., man and male-assigned). A simple way to think about it is if a person is not trans*, they are cisgender.
Cisnormativity – (noun) the assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is cisgender, and that cisgender identities are superior to trans* identities or people. Leads to invisibility of non-cisgender identities.
Closeted – (adj) an individual who is not open to themselves or others about their (queer) sexuality or gender identity. This may be by choice and/or for other reasons such as fear for one’s safety, peer or family rejection or disapproval and/or loss of housing, job, etc. Also known as being “in the closet.” When someone chooses to break this silence they “come out” of the closet. (See coming out)
Coming Out – (1) the process by which one accepts and/or comes to identify one’s own sexuality or gender identity (to “come out” to oneself). (2) The process by which one shares one’s sexuality or gender identity with others (to “come out” to friends, etc.).
Constellation – (noun) the arrangement or structure of a polyamorous relationship.  
Cross-dresser – (noun) someone who wears clothes of another gender/sex.
Demisexual – (noun) an individual who does not experience sexual attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional connection with another individual. Often within a romantic relationship.
Drag King – (noun) someone who performs masculinity theatrically.
Drag Queen – (noun) someone who performs femininity theatrically.
Dyke – (noun) a term referring to a masculine presenting lesbian. While often used derogatorily, it can is adopted affirmatively by many lesbians (and not necessarily masculine ones) as a positive self-identity term
Emotional/Spiritual Attraction – (noun) an affinity for someone that evokes the want to engage in emotional intimate behavior (e.g., sharing, confiding, trusting, interdepending), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-non, to intense). Often conflated with romantic attraction and sexual attraction.
Fag(got) – (noun) derogatory term referring to a gay person, or someone perceived as queer. Occasionally used as an self-identifying affirming term by some gay men, at times in the shortened form ‘fag’.
Feminine Presenting; Masculine Presenting – (adj) a way to describe someone who expresses gender in a more feminine or masculine way, for example in their hair style, demeanor, clothing choice, or style. Not to be confused with Feminine of Center and Masculine of Center, which often includes a focus on identity as well as expression.
Feminine of Center; Masculine of Center – (adj) a word that indicates a range of terms of gender identity and gender presentation for folks who present, understand themselves, relate to others in a more feminine/masculine way.  Feminine of center individuals may also identify as femme, submissive, transfeminine, or more; masculine of center individuals may also often identity as butch, stud, aggressive, boi, transmasculine, or more.
Femme – (noun & adj) someone who identifies themselves as feminine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. Often used to refer to a feminine-presenting queer woman .
Fluid(ity) – (adj) generally with another term attached, like gender-fluid or fluid-sexuality, fluid(ity) describes an identity that may change or shift over time between or within the mix of the options available (e.g., man and woman, bi and straight).
FtM / F2M; MtF / M2F – (adj) abbreviation for female-to-male transgender or transsexual person; abbreviation for male-to-female transgender or transsexual person.
Gay – (adj) (1) a term used to describe individuals who are primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex and/or gender. More commonly used when referring to males/men-identified ppl who are attracted to males/men-identified ppl, but can be applied to females/women-identified ppl as well. (2) An umbrella term used to refer to the queer community as a whole, or as an individual identity label for anyone who does not identify as heterosexual.
Gender Binary – (noun) the idea that there are only two genders – male/female or man/woman and that a person must be strictly gendered as either/or.
Gender Expression – (noun) the external display of one’s gender, through a combination of dress, demeanor, social behavior, and other factors, generally measured on scales of masculinity and femininity. Also referred to as “gender presentation.”
Gender Fluid – (adj) gender fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more man some days, and more woman other days.
Gender Identity – (noun) the internal perception of an one’s gender, and how they label themselves, based on how much they align or don’t align with what they understand their options for gender to be. Common identity labels include man, woman, genderqueer, trans, and more.
Gender Non-Conforming (GNC) – (adj) someone whose gender presentation, whether by nature or by choice, does not align in a predicted fashion with gender-based expectations.
Gender Normative / Gender Straight – (adj) someone whose gender presentation, whether by nature or by choice, aligns with society’s gender-based expectations.
Genderqueer – (adj) a gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman; or as an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities (e.g., agender, bigender, genderfluid). Genderqueer people may think of themselves as one or more of the following, and they may define these terms differently:

• may combine aspects man and woman and other identities (bigender, pangender);
• not having a gender or identifying with a gender (genderless, agender);
• moving between genders (genderfluid);
• third gender or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual and romantic orientation.

Gender Variant– (adj) someone who either by nature or by choice does not conform to gender-based expectations of society (e.g. transgender, transsexual, intersex, gender-queer, cross-dresser, etc.).
Gynesexual/Gynephilic – (adj; pronounced “guy-nuh-seks-shu-uhl”) attracted to woman, females, and/or femininity
Heteronormativity – (noun) the assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is superior to all other sexualities. Leads to invisibility and stigmatizing of other sexualities.  Often included in this concept is a level of gender normativity and gender roles, the assumption that individuals should identify as men and women, and be masculine men and feminine women, and finally that men and women are a complimentary pair.
Heterosexism – (noun) behavior that grants preferential treatment to heterosexual people, reinforces the idea that heterosexuality is somehow better or more “right” than queerness, or makes other sexualities invisible
Heterosexual – (adj) a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex. Also known as straight.
Homophobia – (noun) an umbrella term for a range of negative attitudes (e.g., fear, anger, intolerance, resentment, erasure, or discomfort) that one may have towards members of LGBTQ community. The term can also connote a fear, disgust, or dislike of being perceived as LGBTQ. The term is extended to bisexual and transgender people as well; however, the terms biphobia and transphobia are used to emphasize the specific biases against individuals of bisexual and transgender communities.
Homosexual – (adj) a [medical] term used to describe a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex/gender. This term is considered stigmatizing due to its history as a category of mental illness, and is discouraged for common use (use gay or lesbian instead).
Intersex – (noun) someone whose combination of chromosomes, gonads, hormones, internal sex organs, and genitals differs from the two expected patterns of male or female. In the medical care of infants the initialism DSD (“Differing/Disorders of Sex Development”). Formerly known as hermaphrodite (or hermaphroditic), but these terms are now considered outdated and derogatory.
Lesbian – (noun) a term used to describe women attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to other women.
LGBTQ / GSM / DSG / + – (noun) initialisms used as shorthand or umbrella terms for all folks who have a non-normative (or queer) gender or sexuality, there are many different initialisms people prefer. LGBTQ is Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Queer (sometimes people at a + at the end in an effort to be more inclusive); GSM is Gender and Sexual Minorities; DSG is Diverse Genders and Sexualities. Other popular options include the initialism GLBT and the acronym QUILTBAG (Queer [or Questioning] Undecided Intersex Lesbian Trans* Bisexual Asexual [or Allied] and Gay [or Genderqueer]).
Lipstick Lesbian – (noun) Usually refers to a lesbian with a feminine gender expression. Can be used in a positive or a derogatory way. Is sometimes also used to refer to a lesbian who is assumed to be (or passes for) straight.
Metrosexual – (noun & adj) a man with a strong aesthetic sense who spends more time, energy, or money on his appearance and grooming than is considered gender normative.
Masculine of Center – (adj) a word that indicates a range personal understanding both in terms of gender identity and gender presentation of lesbian/queer women who present, understand themselves, relate to others in a more masculine way.  These individuals may also often identity as butch, stud, aggressive, boi, trans-masculine among other identities.   
MSM / WSW – (noun) initialisms for “men who have sex with men” and “women who have sex with women,” to distinguish sexual behaviors from sexual identities (e.g., because a man is straight, it doesn’t mean he’s not having sex with men). Often used in the field of HIV/Aids education, prevention, and treatment.
Mx. – (typically pronounced mix) is an title (e.g. Mr., Ms., etc.) that is gender neutral.  It is often the option of choice for folks who do not identify within the cisgender binary.  
Outing – (verb) involuntary or unwanted disclosure of another person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or intersex status.
Pansexual – (adj) a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions
Passing – (verb) (1) a term for trans* people being accepted as, or able to “pass for,” a member of their self-identified gender/sex identity (regardless of birth sex). (2) An LGB/queer individual who can is believed to be or perceived as straight.
Polyamory/Polyamorous– (noun/adj) refers to the practice of, desire to, or orientation towards having ethically, honest, consensually non-monogamous relationships (i.e. relationships that may include multiple partners).  This may include open relationships, polyfidelity (which involves more than two people being in romantic and/or sexual relationships which is not open to additional partners), amongst many other set ups.  Some poly(amorous) people have a “primary” relationship or relationship(s) and then “secondary” relationship(s) which may indicate different allocations of resources, time, or priority.  
Questioning (verb, adjective) – an individual who is unsure about or is exploring their own sexual orientation or gender identity.
Romantic Attraction – (noun) an affinity for someone that evokes the want to engage in relational intimate behavior (e.g., flirting, dating, marriage), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-non, to intense). Often conflated with sexual attraction or emotional/spiritual attraction.
Same Gender Loving / SGL – (adj) a term sometimes used by members of the African-American / Black community to express an alternative sexual orientation without relying on terms and symbols of European descent.
Sexual Attraction – (noun) an affinity for someone that evokes the want to engage in physical intimate behavior (e.g., kissing, touching, intercourse), experienced in varying degrees (from little-to-non, to intense). Often conflated with romantic attraction or emotional/spiritual attraction.
Sexual Orientation – (noun) the type of sexual, romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one feels for others, often labeled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to (often mistakenly referred to as sexual preference)
Sexual Preference – (1) the types of sexual intercourse, stimulation, and gratification one likes to receive and participate in. (2) Generally when this term is used, it is being mistakenly interchanged with “sexual orientation,” creating an illusion that one has a choice (or “preference”) in who they are attracted to
Sex Reassignment Surgery / SRS – A term used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of surgical options that alter a person’s biological sex. “Gender confirmation surgery” is considered by many to be a more affirming term. In most cases, one or multiple surgeries are required to achieve legal recognition of gender variance. Some refer to different surgical procedures as “top” surgery and “bottom” surgery to discuss what type of surgery they are having without having to be more explicit.
Skoliosexual – (adj) attracted to genderqueer and transsexual people and expressions (people who don’t identify as cisgender)
Stud – (noun) an term most commonly used to indicate a Black/African-American and/or Latina masculine lesbian/queer woman. Also known as ‘butch’ or ‘aggressive’.
Third Gender – (noun) a term for a person who does not identify with either man or woman, but identifies with another gender. This gender category is used by societies that recognise three or more genders, both contemporary and historic, and is also a conceptual term meaning different things to different people who use it, as a way to move beyond the gender binary.
Top Surgery – (noun) this term refers to surgery for the construction of a male-type chest or breast augmentation for a female-type chest.
Trans*/Transgender – (adj) (1) An umbrella term covering a range of identities that transgress socially defined gender norms.  Trans with an * is often used to indicate that you are referring to the larger group nature of the term. (2) A person who lives as a member of a gender other than that expected based on sex assigned at birth.
Transition(ing) – (noun & verb) this term is primarily used to refer to the process a trans* person undergoes when changing their bodily appearance either to be more congruent with the gender/sex they feel themselves to be and/or to be in harmony with their preferred gender expression.
Transman ; Transwoman – (noun) An identity label sometimes adopted by female-to-male transgender people or transsexuals to signify that they are men while still affirming their history as assigned female sex at birth. (sometimes referred to as transguy) (2) Identity label sometimes adopted by male-to-female transsexuals or transgender people to signify that they are women while still affirming their history as assigned male sex at birth.
Transphobia –(noun) the fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of trans* people, the trans* community, or gender ambiguity. Transphobia can be seen within the queer community, as well as in general society.
Transsexual – (noun & adj) a person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to transform their bodies hormonally and surgically to match their inner sense of gender/sex.
Transvestite – (noun) a person who dresses as the binary opposite gender expression (“cross-dresses”) for any one of many reasons, including relaxation, fun, and sexual gratification (often called a “cross-dresser,” and should not be confused with transsexual)
Two-Spirit – (noun) is an umbrella term traditionally used by Native American people to recognize individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both genders
Ze / Hir – alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some trans* people. Pronounced /zee/ and /here/ they replace “he” and “she” and “his” and “hers” respectively. Alternatively some people who are not comfortable/do not embrace he/she use the plural pronoun “they/their” as a gender neutral singular pronoun."    ((Again quoted from http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2013/01/a-comprehensive-list-of-lgbtq-term-definitions))